Saturday, July 27, 2013
My Grief is like…
a lightening storm, with jagged bolts of pain hitting my heart from all directions with no warning, terrifying and feeling helpless in between the jolts., never knowing where or when the next searing pain is coming
a tornado destroying everything in its path, hurling my life every which way, I am out of control, with no place to hide and no escape.
an earthquake, smashing the world into rubble that used to be my life, I wonder how to rebuild myself.
a black hole in my soul that no one can see or hear or touch, but sucks everything in its direction despite my resolve to be strong.
nothing else in life. Humbling, unsharable, lonely, devastating, life changing,
a build up of pain that overtakes me one way or another, like a Tsunami that overwhelms all my attempts to control myself and brings all my old debris to the surface.
The only way I have found to reduce the intensity of those times is to embrace the bolts, sort through the rubble and hold on tight to those who can tolerate me.
Tolerance for grief in the long haul is an iffy thing. Everyone, including the bereaved person, tend to forget “what is wrong”, and disappear into business, happy things or internal retreat. Often shows up indirectly as cynicism and bitterness.