Thursday, April 30, 2015
The birth of a child after the death of a child.
What a wonderful gift
What a terrifying gift.
How do I be with him?
How can I keep him safe?
Shall I hover?
Shall I hide him?
How do I not overwhelm him with my grief?
How do I not have him compete with a ghost?
It’s hard not to over-do or under-do everything.
I hardly know how to be with myself, let alone him
I don’t really have any answers to my questions.
Except what I have learned from her death.
Be there, be real and let him be a part of my life
So I stumble along and finally am able to let others help
I don’t have to do it alone
Thanks for helping me with my Rainbow Child
Friday, April 17, 2015
Another year has come and gone
And you are still gone
Buried on this day
Under a tree, by a stream
Beautiful place to sit and wait
As the pain echoes with each beat of my heart
Later I will get up and walk away to rejoin my life
But for now I sit under the tree, by the stream with you
Every year is the same and you are still gone, it’s been so long
No more whys, no more guilt or blame
Just me and my grief for evermore
And you are still gone.
As another year has come and gone
Monday, April 13, 2015
Here I am again
This is April 13, 2015, thirty-seven years since I found my daughter's body. People are really, really sure I should get over it by now. Well I certainly have gotten on with my life. I have had a very rich, deep and productive 36 years, but I am still not over “It”.
Yup, it is still a downer and I am sad on this day and April 17, the day I buried her.
I still wonder what she would be like had she lived, she would be 51 this year. I wonder if I would have grandchildren or if she would have been a career woman.
The rest of my life will be devoted to creating Grief Centers for bereaved people so more can heal and have the rewarding life I have had. I know that because I had a safe place to keen and wail is the core of my healing.
Your death has
I am gutted
like a steer
has spared me
What I didn’t expect,
had no way
was that the
new depths of