Thursday, October 24, 2019


As the years have passed since you died, the changes in me have made me stranger and stranger.

The first few years were simply full of pain suffering and an intense longing to have you back.  Learning to breathe again was a major achievement.

Healing all those connections to you continues to this day.

The first change I noticed was how little tolerance I had for chit-cha, seemed insipid to me in the face of what I wanted to talk about. 

The next thing I noticed was that no one wanted to hear about your death.  In fact, as soon as people find out I am a bereaved parent, the start drifting away, that is still true.

Certainly, my priorities altered dramatically.

The profound loneliness and aloneness has altered me and taught me much about me and everyone’s humanness. 

It would be easier, safer and nicer if I just walled myself off or permitted myself to be bitter and cynical, but I have made different choices, to honor your life and my love for you.

I take my strangeness with me wherever I go and I get strange reactions from people, mostly they don’t know what to do or say, most folk turn away.

What impact I have, I can’t say, but to do otherwise feels like a betrayal of all you have meant to me and a discount of my grief in your profound loss and all the hard work I have done to have a rich and deep life without you. 

Oct 2019



Wednesday, September 4, 2019

Levels of Listening

I hope people find this interesting and useful

Levels of Listening
1. Hearing the words
2. Hearing the words and partial feelings
3. Hearing the words, accepting feelings
4. Hearing the words, accepting feelings, making plans to deal with issues

                  Levels of speaking
                        1. Saying the words
                        2. Saying the words and partial disclosure
                        3. Saying the words acknowledging meaning
                        4. Saying the words, acknowledging meaning. Checking out impact

Levels of Impact
1. Reporting information
2. Reporting information, partial challenge
3. Reporting information, full challenge, engagement
4. Reporting information full challenge, engagement. Transformation

                  Levels of Learning
                        It is not the same as study, finding out what others know, knowing                                                         answers or measured by exams.  It is the process of solving our own problems for our                          own purposes by questioning, thinking, feeling and testing until the solution is part of                          our lives.
                        1. New skills and information
                        2. New thoughts and beliefs
                        3. New identity and behaviors
                        4. New intuitions and creativity