Monday, May 2, 2016

Poem # 6





 Sometimes I
am tired
of grieving
&
protest so much
pain

I cannot seem
to
ever get
finally through

Roz said,
“Don’t try”

“The pain of her
death
is part
of
keeping her
alive
in
you”


Sunday, April 10, 2016

The End Of Grieving



This is April and on the 13th it will be 37 years since I found her and on the 17th it will also be 37 years since I buried her.  I finally agree that I should “be over it”.
   
That of course means shutting myself down, putting all the reminders away and keeping everyone at a safe distance so as not to get triggered into my grief.

All that is easy because not having my grief turns very quickly to hostility and being angry all the time that will keep folk away from me.

I also could become cynical and bitter that no one ever understands me
or is there for me.

Or perhaps I will start medicating myself, either with prescription drugs or otherwise.  Good way to fight depression that always goes with unexpressed grief.

I guess I could join a cult or other activities that keep me busy and not feeling.

Probably the easiest way is to just claim that since it’s been so long, it doesn’t bother me anymore.

The end of grieving doesn’t” mean the end of hurting


If today
Were yesterday
I would
Know what
To do

I would
Keep you
Safe from
Harm
And pain

I would
Never feel the
Terrible
Loss of you

If today
Were only
Yesterday


Tuesday, March 22, 2016

I Can't Find The Magic



Another day has come and gone, like thousand of other days and I can’t find the magic to be OK again.  Not for myself, not for my clients and not for all the grieving people I try to comfort, I feel at the end of a long road at the edge of a cliff that I can’t negotiate anymore.  I can’t find the magic



Life feels
futile
&
sometimes absurd.

Why then
do I
go on?

Because, I
love
this world
&
have
to know
what
tomorrow holds.



Thursday, March 3, 2016

The Trouble With Grieving


Well, number one on the list is that it really sucks,

Number two on the list is how much I am sick and tired of being controlled by one feeling.

Number three on the list is how much of an outsider it makes me.

Number four on the list is how much grieving has changed me

Number five on my list is the isolation due to every griever being engulfed by their own sorrow.

Number six on the list is the enormous effort it takes to build bridges across those chasms and up those cliffs.






  Sometimes I
am tired
of grieving
&
protest so much
pain

I cannot seem
to
ever get
finally through

Roz said,
“Don’t try”

“The pain of her
death
is part
of
keeping her
alive
in
you”


Wednesday, February 3, 2016

Your Death - Poem #2

  




              Your death has
split me
wide open,
I am gutted
like a  steer
freshly slaughtered.

Your death
has spared me
nothing
in horror,
in terror.
in guilt.

What I didn’t expect,
had no way
of knowing,
was that the
depth I
plummeted to
would
also find
new depths of
living
&
loving
&
laughter.



Friday, January 8, 2016

A Bridge Back To Better


There is such an unbridgeable chasm between the bereaved and the non-bereaved that feels sometimes hopeless.  But slowly the sun rises and the bridge back has been to never stop grieving.


The most
creative
task
I have
ever
accomplished,
is
to find
new
meaning
&
value
out of
the
absurdity
of
her death.





Friday, December 11, 2015

Grief Changes Eerything






From the moment of “knowing”
           
            To the end of my life

                        Her death has turned me

                                    Upside downand inside out making me over

The changes are unseen

            As is the pain of her death

                        As the changes in my mind

                                    As the changes in relationships

                       

As is the earthworm turns the soil

            As it always has done

                        As it aerates the soil

                                    So grief changes everything