Monday, July 20, 2015

Poem # 14








Expanded consciousness
is simply
dealing
with
the
pain
&
living
my
life.

I am able
to be
reduced
to raw, open
pain
&
come back

whole.

Monday, July 6, 2015

I Wish



I wish I could undo her death
I wish I could go back to the old me
I wish I could stop upsetting people
I wish the pain would stop


I am glad you have your child
I am glad you can continue as you
I am glad you can be PC and never upset anyone
I am glad you don’t have that pain

I wish there were no gap between us
I am glad you don’t understand
I wish there were a safe place for me
I am glad you don’t have that search

I wish
                        I wish
                                                I wish…


Monday, June 15, 2015

After The Screaming




                                        If you
cannot
stand
the
screaming,
get out
of
the
way.

You cannot
resurrect
my
dead child.

I cannot
smile
for
you.

I can
only
smile
after
the
screaming.

It seems important to understand that any encounter with a grieving person is unsatisfying. This is so because neither party can give the other what he or she wants. We do not have the power to give back what has been lost, and the grieving person cannot give us the smile and assurance that our help has made everything all right. The greater the loss, the longer this will be true. However, over time our assistance does help. It is analogous to applying salve to a wound. The salve will not magically heal, but over time the salve, plus the healing power of the body, will at some point heal the wound.

Saturday, June 6, 2015

The Flatness



A terrible place to be
Still wishing some days that it had been me instead of her
Wondering what value I have
Still my fault some days
Flat is safe

Like a bag of cement on my back
Being cheery for everyone requires flat some days
Makes me to different to ever really fit in
The longing is deep and sad to just belong and be OK

As I write this, the flatness is lifting
Sometimes the grief is this brief


Saturday, May 23, 2015

Poem # 24




 It is
strange
&
blasphemous,
to say
I
have benefitted
from
the grief
of
my child’s
death.

It is
also
the
truth.





How is that possible?  Because in all that grieving is the rebuilding of a shattered life and mixed in is greater understanding, deeper feelings about everything, including joy.  I also understand my clients better because I have been there.

Thursday, April 30, 2015

Rainbow Child




The birth of a child after the death of a child.
 What a wonderful gift
What a terrifying gift.

How do I be with him?
How can I keep him safe?

Shall I hover?
Shall I hide him?

How do I not overwhelm him with my grief?
How do I not have him compete with a ghost?

It’s hard not to over-do or under-do everything.
I hardly know how to be with myself, let alone him

I don’t really have any answers to my questions.
Except what I have learned from her death.

Be there, be real and let him be a part of my life
So I stumble along and finally am able to let others help

I don’t have to do it alone

Thanks for helping me with my Rainbow Child

Friday, April 17, 2015

April 17





Another year has come and gone
And you are still gone
Buried on this day
Under a tree, by a stream
Beautiful place to sit and wait
As the pain echoes with each beat of my heart

Later I will get up and walk away to rejoin my life
But for now I sit under the tree, by the stream with you
Every year is the same and you are still gone, it’s been so long
No more whys, no more guilt or blame
Just me and my grief for evermore
And you are still gone.

As another year has come and gone