Posts
Reaching
out is hard
Bereaved families never congregate in easy to identify or
common groups. We are scattered
through out the population. That
keeps us safe and at the same time isolated from each other. As I say in my book, it’s all the small
choices along the way that make the difference in recovery. Below is one of the thousands I made
along the way.
A newly bereaved
person needs an advocate because
she is just not “with it” for months. Another
of those small choices that proved to be far reaching came after the funeral. Both Morrie
and I were just tired. He made the absurd suggestion of, “Why don’t we stop at Burger King and just be alone for a minute?”
At that moment anything
was fine with me, just stop the world. So that is what we did—had a burger,
fries, and a Coke. Those few moments allowed me to regroup enough
to go on. That incident
was the beginning of a pattern that still works for me: the intense grieving followed by something
mundane and “normal.” If I ignore the intense feelings, then I
never get the mundane and normal, because those intense feelings
are always trying to escape.
I have learned over the years that my grief upsets most folks
that haven’t dealt with their own, and my sadness triggers theirs. The further
one gets from the funeral,
the less tolerance others have for one’s grief. “Shouldn’t you be over it by now?” is the most common question. What an absurd and insulting
statement. Bereavement is a condition that never clears
up. The loss of a child is a never-ending
process of feeling wounded and regaining wholeness. Telling
grieving parents to get over their grief would be like telling an amputee not to miss her arm.
Sometimes
I am
reduced to
nothing
but
my
grief at
loving &
missing
her.
When I am
able
to
let
that
be,
I
rise,
like
the
Phoenix.
Sometimes,
it
is
very
hard
