--> The Primal Nature of Grief
It has been my experience
that grief comes in succeeding waves. When I could ride the wave to the crest
and express whatever was there, the wave ebbed, and in between the waves I
could live for a while. Surprisingly, the intense bouts were relatively short.
I don’t think they ever lasted even ten minutes. I learned this important
lesson because I happened to be in primal therapy at the time of Sharon’s
death. The core thrust of this therapy is deep grief; it was permitted and encouraged.
Even so, my expressions were very primitive, because the loss of a child is,
well, primal. Primal feelings are wordless, with the intensity of a race car
driver’s focus, and almost that loud, like a Formula One car. The wailing and
keening has a quality that goes below any thoughts or concepts, more like a
wolf howling, that communicates everything without any words. It was a surprise
to me that after the grief bout I usually found words and concepts to use with
my clients as they struggled to express their feelings. That was a bonus I
never expected. People—clients and friends—have often asked me what is to be
gained by crying or screaming or any overt expression of distress. Part of the
answer is that there develops a continuity and context for all the mysterious
stuff we feel and do. Out of the feelings come the answers to the whys.
This paragraph may seem arbitrary and senseless for today, a bright sunny beautiful day in the mountains. Thus is the nature of tragedy, it comes out of the blue and the beauty of the day doesn't stop it.
Monday, September 17, 2012
The Primal Nature of Grief
Labels:
change,
depression,
grief,
grieving,
loss of love,
memorial,
recovery
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