I Am Out of Ideas

After 20,000 clicks and likes I still haven’t heard a word from anyone.  No hurrahs, no boos, just silence. 

I don’t know who my audience is

I don’t know if I have any impact

Don’t know if it matters.

I guess it really doesn’t matter as long as the clicks and likes keep appearing.

A hundred clicks here, a hundred likes there, it all adds up.

So why do I keep writing and posting?   Because when I was newly bereaved I didn’t have the energy or any interest in engaging anyone myself.  But I really appreciate, to this day, those that kept writing even if I couldn’t respond.

So, I’m out of ideas for the moment, but they will come.

A Loss Too Many

I’ve recovered from a lot

From my only daughter’s death

My son’s choosing different paths from me

Many furry friends along the way

My own parents deaths, and both my in-laws

I am the one in eight woman with breast cancer

Those are the major losses

Many paper cuts on my journey

But this one is the one

That is a loss to many

The loss of my home, my dream, my identity of me.

I can’t find the solid ground I once stood on, so proudly

I can’t find the internal resources to bounce back, this time

There seems no point in going on

My place in life is behind me

I don’t fit in this new world, actually never did fit anywhere

I see no rainbows

        No pot o’ gold

                   No happy ending

                              I’ve gotten to old.

What do I do with that grim truth?

Withdraw from the world?

Lie down and die?

No

         No

                  No

I will let all the small signs of caring, comfort and support patch me up.  I am like a crazy quilt pieced together with the “ties that bind”.  The invisible strands of family, friends and life are stronger then my grief.