This captures my forever longing for my child, even after 42 year
Tuesday, December 8, 2020
Sit next to me
Labels:
change,
depression,
grief,
grieving,
grieving parents,
healing,
healing from loss,
loneliness,
loss of love,
moving on,
PTSD,
recover from grief,
recovery,
relationships,
surviving depression,
surviving the holidays
Thursday, August 20, 2020
I Am So Glad
I Am So Glad
I am so glad that the last 60 to 90 days we have only seen mostly peaceful protests, if they had become riots, we may have lost many of our beautiful cities and there may have been some destruction of peoples lives and businesses. But even if that would have happened it was only money and property, which are of no account anyway. So, I am glad none of that really happened.
As for Covid-19, of course Trump is responsible for everything that went wrong. Like
putting infected people back in the nursing homes and the continuing moving of the goal posts from flattening the curve to how many infections per day per state.
As for Trump, that bigot and racist, what could we expect except that Black Lives Matter so little to him that he has done nothing to help anyone but his own family.
Thank goodness the Dems are going to get rid of him and all his crazy policies that just “aren’t
right”
Arleah Shechtman
August 20, 2020
Monday, August 3, 2020
How I feel Today
With what is going on in my counyry I feel much like I did when my daghter died. I feel like my country is dying
When I
am
all alone
&
the universe
is
only
my pain & grief.
That is
when
I
know most
deeply
what
it
means
Labels:
change,
grief,
grieving,
healing,
healing from loss,
loneliness,
moving on,
recover from grief,
recovery,
relationships
Friday, January 24, 2020
Examples of "The Rules of Grief"
”
I’ve been thinking that I should expand and explain and give
examples about the rules of grief.
It seems to me that grief is an evolutionary function that
works like vomiting for illnesses. It
serves the purpose of getting rid of toxins so healing can occur. Number 1 and 2 on my list of hated things to
do are throwing up and grieving It is possible to control both with the result
that recovery is compromised and relationships are damaged.
For example, The wife of one of my clients was diagnosed with
rectal cancer, which is brutal in the treatment and the recovery. They have four adult children and an elderly
dog. He is a in the insurance business
as a salesman and manager. She is a busy housewife and mother. She had the surgery followed by many rounds
of chemotherapy and radiation. Everything seemed to be going fine. She was recovering and his practice was
thriving. The kids were all a way at
school and the dog brought great comfort and joy. The problem was that his sinus problems kept
getting worse and worse. Does anybody
see any connection? Let me make a few.
1. They were both scared that she wouldn’t make it. Loss of certainty
2. They didn’t want to upset each other. Loss of honesty
3. They really had to depend on each other. Loss of
independence
4. They couldn’t’ share their deepest feelings because they
had no words. Loss of intimacy
5. They were both disappointed that their lives had been
upended in more ways than they could count.
Loss of self esteem
6. They were ashamed of most of these feelings. Loss of self
7. They both felt utterly helpless, and they were, to make
things better. Loss of power
It took a lot of talking and digging to surface these
loses. It is hard when for a lifetime we
are taught to be stoic and never give in.
The hardest part was to help him with the deep shame that he should have
these feelings when the stakes were so high, let alone if at all. After several
weeks of pushing and prodding he began to make some of these connections on his
own.
A major hurdle for my client was to even entertain the idea
that, perhaps, just perhaps, his wife might have some of the same feelings and concerns
that he had. To be able to talk to each
other about these unusual internal secrets was an act of great courage. As they were slowly, painfully able to begin
talking and sharing with each other, his sinus problem kept getting better and
her recovery progressed more evenly.
Wednesday, January 8, 2020
The Rules of Grief
It is interesting to me that over the 42 years since my
daughter’s death, I have noticed several “Rules” that repeat themselves with
myself, my clients and the general public.
You will notice that I said Rules “of” grief, not rules for
grief. That is because these basic rules
happen no matter what else we do.
Rule #1. Grief cannot be denied, only delayed.
Rule #2. Nothing turns hostile quicker than unexpressed
grief
Rule #3. Grief comes in waves, building to a crescendo, then
receding after some release
Rule #4. Slowly the waves come less often, with less
intensity and duration.
Rule #5. If you fight the waves, they stay the same in
intensity, duration and frequency.
Rule #6. Grief irrevocably changes the griever.
Rule #7. Nobody wants to follow the rules.
Rule #8. All healing and recovery are in keeping current
with grief
Rule #9. It is hard to connect crazy behavior back to grief.
Rule # 9. Grief is very idiosyncratic, there is no “wrong”
way or right way to grieve, only your way.
Rule #10. People don’t experience stages, just intense
feelings.
Rule #11. Grief cuts through all our defenses, goes right to
our core and dredges up any and all unresolved issues.
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