Saturday, March 17, 2012
The Change Process
As I work with people and they start making connections many clients say, “This is great, now what do I do to change it?” The answer is always the same; small risks in the present. “ Like what?”, they ask. Anything that is big enough to make you nervous, but not so big as to be catastrophic if you fail. Sometimes it is as simple as saying “No” to a request. The key is how it feels.
You know it’s a risk if the following process ensues. The process is a series of feelings that everyone goes through as they start to take themselves on.
The first feeling is some kind of implosion, the opposite of explosion. That means you come down very hard on yourself, beating yourself up for being stupid or something. Many of us are very good at that.
The second set is a very strong sense that something is wrong, or that you have done something wrong. When I’m in this stage I keep looking at my appointment because the sense is so strong, like I’ve missed an important appointment or something.
The third set of feelings is a sense of impending doom, you just know something awful is about to happen.
What these feelings are related to is the expectation of getting creamed in some old way. If you could put a child’s words to the sequence it would be along the lines of, “Oops. Uhoh, and now I’m really gonna get it.” As nothing dreadful happens the feelings will dissipate, Then you can take another risk, but not before that sequence is complete. That part of you we call the child has to see that he/she has lived to tell the tale.