If you
cannot
stand
the
screaming,
get out
of
the
way.
You cannot
resurrect
my
dead child.
I cannot
smile
for
you.
I can
only
smile
after
the
screaming.
It seems important to understand that any encounter
with a grieving person
is unsatisfying. This is so because
neither party can give the other what he or she wants.
We do not have the power
to give back what has been lost, and the grieving person cannot give us the smile and assurance that our help has made everything all right.
The greater the loss, the longer this will be true. However,
over time our assistance does help. It is analogous to applying salve to a wound.
The salve will not magically
heal, but over time the salve, plus the healing power of the body, will at some point heal the wound.