Thursday, April 24, 2014
In Loving Memory
In loving memory of my daughter, Sharon and all the beloved children that have died and left us so raw, baffled and a million other feelings. I want to create for those left behind a safe place to grieve in honor of those children and their surviving families.
The latest affront to our sensibilities and sense of purpose is the Korean ferry. I noticed how quickly everyone turned away from those parents screaming and their intense distress. They need to keen and wail, and a place to do their healing grief.
There are very few others that can tolerate and condone the intense pain and disruption that bereavement causes. People mostly turn away, which makes the recovery even harder.
My idea is to have in every cemetery a place where families can grieve undisturbed by anyone. I thought something on the order of a smoking booth that is designated especially for that purpose.
I found those times when I could grieve at her graveside undisturbed very healing over time. I have talked to others who found each other at the cemetery and began to turn to each other for support and comfort.
Comfort is in short supply after the funeral. This is as it should be as life does go on. So the best support is other bereaved people and a place to grieve.
An important part of recovery iis making sense of the loss. That actually takes a long time, as there is no sense in losing those we love and are deeply attached to.
Reworking our life without that beloved person is a daunting task. It is also lonely and disrupts other relationships that must do the same work, like spouses, friends, and the whole world that is forever different.
The phrase “I have to do it for myself, but I can’t do it alone” comes to mind. It is that deep aloneness and alienation that is so hard to come back from.
Finding each other seems to hold the most solace. I feel this is because we are so changed that the old rules, habits and expectations just don’t work anymore. Everything is remembered in relationship to “Before the Death and After the Death”.
It is a strange new life.
If this sounds interesting to you and you have the energy to get back involved please contact me and we will start a new way together.