Saturday, June 15, 2019

To Love Again...

I will never forget how a friend of mine helped me move on. About two years after my daughter’s death, he commented that I used her death like a black ace, to hide behind. I, of course, was very hurt and indignant at first, but as time passed I realized he was right. Again, it was the attempt on my part to be safe; this time by asserting my pain and wearing it as my shield against caring or involvement with him. It made closeness and comfort impossible. I was a bit wobbly about taking the risk of loving and losing again. To come out of my depression and be there for someone else was reengaging in life and investing in the future. Sometimes the hardest things to say are the kindest. I am glad he and others cared enough for me to want me back.

This is also another example of the new person and new rela- tionship emerging from the old. Because people pursued me, and because I chose to live, I have been able to recover. My goal has become to turn around and give back to others who have just be- gun their journey.

It is very difficult to let hear anything but sympathy and horror at what we have experienced, to let what my friend and husband had to say took all the courage I had at the time.  


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