Thursday, August 16, 2012

On Being A Sattellite.

On Being A Satellite

I think I have always been a satellite, from birth I never got to be a Shining Star.  I was a preacher’s kid and l grew up in a fishbowl.  So I was always on display as a backdrop to dad’s mission, but never dared to outshine my dad.  In those days all the good pillars of the congregation felt it was their obligation to keep my sibs and me in line. As a result I spent a lot of time being sent to my room till I could behave. And of course any PK knows you have to be a shining example, if not the star.  So I grew up learned in the ways of being my dad’s satellite, adept at deferring and subjugating myself to his stardom.  Then I grew up and married the most articulate man in the word, so I seem doomed to that status.

I realize that it has always been my choice.  So what does one do about deciding to always be a satellite?  Why would I make such a choice?   Well, it turns out that there are some real advantages to being a satellite.  It is a very safe place (one of my familiars), I have a lot of skills and maneuvers that I developed in those growing up places that keep me safe from all that abandonment and shame.  A satellite is not expected to be so good, I get to make mistakes and fail and no one is shocked or surprised.  The pay-off for me has been, much like the moon, I still get to exert great influence from my very safe orbit.  My influence is subtler, like the tides vs. sunshine, but turns out to be as important.

This is coming up now because the requirements have changed in that old safe and familiar place.  I have written this book all by myself, no ghostwriter or anyone else, just me.  Feels really good and even more scary than good.  I do not have the skills or habits to be in the spotlight and don’t have a clue how to do that.  It is also hard to give up my special place of influence as a satellite. 

Stay tuned, you will hear much more about this as I battle with myself to change that decision I made at three.        

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