Alone

Alone

The saddest most alone feeling in the world

Is to be with people I love and that love me

And to feel that forever distance and difference

The longing to go back and be able to belong

Is a physical need that can never be satisfied

Such a mystery of how to be and yet, never be the same

I remember when I didn’t understand others grief

And thought they should just “get over it”

Then Sharon died and I was alone in a different universe

I still am.

Alone is different from loneliness, I am not lonely,

Alone is a place where no one can go with me to comfort or help

Because no one else can see the rips and tears in my soul

No one else can see the hole in my gut

No one else can feel the wrenching, devastating pain of the death of a child

I never know when or why this place will descend on me and consume all joy,

peace or fulfillment.  If I don’t fight the need I get through and come out the other side a little wiser and life goes on.    

When I

am

all  alone

&

the universe

is

only

my pain & grief.

That is

when

I

know most

deeply

what

it

means

to be

human.